Shunning, Shaming, Renaming is a moving piece by Rachel Cohen-Rottenburg about the power of reclaiming your identity while navigating disability and ostracism. I recommend you read it now.
There seems to be a desire on the part of abled people to try to balance the unpleasantness of disability with a belief that it somehow confers gifts equal or exceeding the burden of illness. There seems to be a tendency to conflate a person’s mental illness and their gifts, whatever those are, as though the former caused the latter, as though they were inseparable.
There’s also a tendency to say that adversity brings enlightenment – often true – and that therefore adversity is, in itself, a positive thing, even when that takes the form of being severely disabled. Even when that takes the form of being suicidal. People want to believe that misfortune bears gifts. Worse still is when these sentiments are expressed with envy.
I have a big problem with that.
The fact that I can bring beauty and goodness out of badness is something beautiful and good about me, not beautiful and good about badness. It is a skill I developed out of necessity – if I had not, I would get nothing out of it. If you must fight bears, it’s good to learn to use their hides and bones as armor and weapons. Better still is not having to fight bears. Continue reading