Victory Conditions

Panic attacks suck.

At one point I had them daily, often multiple times, and for hours each time – but that was a long time ago.  I’m much better now.

I want to talk for a minute about what that really means. What improvement really looks like. Because it doesn’t look like I thought it would, and I don’t see that talked about as much as I would like to.

So here are four vignettes from the last year or so, all of which I consider victories.

FIRST.

I’m at Planned Parenthood, and I am not holding my shit together.  I’m not as triggered by exams as I used to be, so normally this annual bullshit is not a huge issue, but this time I have reason to believe it is going to be a lot worse, involving things that are, like, turbo triggering.  Also, I still have a lot of lingering hostility over some bad shit that went down at a Planned Parenthood many years ago, so I don’t feel safe at their clinics.  I wasn’t expecting it to be as bad as it is, but it’s so bad this time.  I drop the pen three times signing in, my hands are shaking so badly.

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